So what have I been up to lately?

Mostly, I have been sick!!! In between that I have gone to Portland to take Alenna to Shriner's in Portland for her yearly appt. It went very well and I think it was the best appt. that she has had so far. We were told by the Dr.s that everything was going well and that they wanted to see us again next year. I was hoping to hear if she would need an extra surgery but they said that they would not know for sure until next year. Even so I don't think that she will need it since she is doing so well.
I have also been trying to clean our house to get ready for our trip and for my parents to stay at our house while we are gone. Yikes!! My Mom at my house for two weeks! Time to clean that closet that I try to forget about! ;)
Only 12 days left to go! When we got our travel dates it seemed so far away, but the time is going quickly and I know we will be leaving before we know it.

It starts so young...

This morning I decided that it was time for our youngest Alenna to learn to pick up her toys and stuff and put them away. So I told her that she needed to pick up her things and put them in her room. At first she just looked at me like I was speaking another language. After a few explanations she finally realized what I wanted her to do. Her first words were "I don't feel well", and " I want my mama". Along with these classic words came the actions of her putting her hand up on her forehead like she was sick. I about died, it was so funny! How are you supposed to keep a straight face with such a drama queen? I did finally convince her that she really did have to pick up her things and put them away, but each trip to her room was like she was walking to the death chamber. What a character!!! Life will never be dull, or quite with her around.

Lessons I have learned about forgivness

Last night my DH Tim and I were talking about forgiveness and how important it is to not hold on to bitterness and anger. I have seen people in my life that like to hold on to bitterness and past hurt like a favorite pet. Because of these examples I was really good at holding a grudge and considered it a point of pride for myself that I wouldn't let anyone hurt me. And if they did, well I would just write that person off. :( Pretty sad. I found out that in doing that I didn't have alot of friends, and I was hurting my relationship with my husband. About four years ago during a fight when we were once again bringing up things that had happened years ago, we suddenly realized how ridicules it was to continue to bring these things up. If we truly were going to forgive then we had to forget also and to never bring it up again. From that point on we have been so much happier, our marriage has been much better and I have made more friends. Other then one incident that I am ashamed of were I didn't forgive like I should have, I think I have been doing alot better.I have seen firsthand how destructive being unforgiving can be. I am so thankful that God has given me the grace to forgive and that he was willing to forgive me and to give me the blessing of forgetfulness.

Heartbreaking news...

On Wednesday afternoon, a SUV driven by Steven Curtis Chapman's teenage son, accidentally struck and killed his younger sister Maria in the driveway of the family home. Maria,who was 5 years old, was adopted from China. My heart and prayers go out to the Chapman family as they are dealing with this tragedy.

Earthquake in China

On monday night there was an massive earthquake in China. Thankfully our daughter is far away from where it hit. My heart is breaking for all the families that have children waiting for them in the affected areas. This is why this wait is so hard for families. Having something terrible happen on the other side of the world where your child is waiting for you and you are helpless to do anything for them. Please say a prayer for all of the affected families and the people in China.

Friends and fun

Every Wed. night I get together with a group of ladies that I have become close friends with, it is something I look forward to every week. This week I think was one of the most fun. We all had a good laugh about the things our kids have done to us to embarrass us. And a trip down memory lane with books and movies we read years ago. It is so wonderful to have this time every week to get together with my friends and just be able to talk and share with them. I really helps me to be able to just relax and enjoy myself for awhile.

Things that I am thankful for...

With all of the depression that goes along with waiting for a child that is on the other side of the world, I would like to take a moment to list all of the things I am thankful for.
1. A Lord that is full of Grace and Mercy
2. A Godly husband that is supportive and understanding
3. Children that are a blessing to me
4. Good friends that are there to lift me up when I am down
5. My good health
6. A nice home
7. A beautiful day

What did I do right?

Sometimes as a mom I really struggle with wondering if I am doing things right. If I am being a good mom or a not so good mom. Most of my struggle is stems from the fact that I started out so young. I never had the chance to develop who I am as a person before I had the responsibility to guide little hearts. It has taken me many years and much growing before I felt that I was maturing as a person. All the years of struggle I feel has taken a toll on my kids. I wonder if I have made wrong decisions and hurt them in the process. But I look at them now and see four wonderful children. They all have such tender hearts and are compassionate and caring towards others. Even our youngest likes to take care of mom when I'm sad or not feeling well. I couldn't ask for better, sweeter kids. I am so blessed. So I guess my question is did I do something right or did the grace of God cover my mistakes and they turned out well in spite of me? I'm sure it is some of both, and I'm so thankful for the grace of God that can cover our mistakes and make something beautiful.

About this blog....

This should have been my first post but as I'm sure you can see from the first post I have had a very difficult day. I started this blog as a way to talk about how I feel, what I'm thinking about and what the Lord is doing in my life. It is also a blog that my mother does not know about so she can't edit it. :) I also wanted something that was not about just my kiddos and our adoptions.

Times of trials and testing...

I am going through a difficult time right now with the long wait to adopt our daughter. Some days are better then others but some days like today I just want to cry and scream and ask why? The pain of waiting is so intense there is just no comparison to it in my life. I have given birth three times and it was hard, but nothing like this. Sometimes I wonder why the Lord has led us to adopt when He knows I would have such a hard time with the process. I know that He it teaching me something I just haven't figured it out yet. You know that old saying "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"? Right now I know I will survive but maybe be a little more broken after all is said and done. At the least I hope I will be a little more compassionate to others that are hurting.